A starting point:

To fathers and partners

This is your journey too. 

Pregnancy loss can affect both of you, but you may not feel the same way. As a partner, you might feel protective, heartbroken, helpless, or unsure. Maybe you’ve tried to stay strong, but inside, you’re hurting too. Even though you didn’t go through the physical loss, you’ve still lost something important — your hopes, dreams, and the future you imagined.

You might feel sad, angry, flat, or numb. Some days you may want to talk. Other days, you might just want to keep going. All of this is a normal part of grief.

Many partners grieve quietly or can feel left out. You might be holding in your feelings to protect your partner — but your emotions matter too. As you read this, take a moment to check in with yourself. However you’re feeling, it’s okay.

Talking about grief can be hard. But sharing with someone you trust — a friend, family member, or support service — can help you work through things in your own way.

You and your partner may grieve differently. One of you might want to talk, while the other needs space. That’s normal. Being honest about what you each need can help you support each other.

Grief takes time. There’s no right or wrong way to go through it. Take what feels helpful from this guide and go at your own pace.   

Supporting someone after pregnancy loss

For family, friends, and loved ones

Even small things — like listening, being there, or helping with everyday tasks — can mean a lot. Saying, “I’m here if you need me” can be comforting. 

If you only learned about the pregnancy after the loss, it’s normal to feel unsure. You might feel shocked, sad, or even guilty. That’s okay. Just showing you care, even if you don’t know what to say, can help.

You might be grieving too.

It’s normal to feel sad, confused, or helpless. Talking when you’re ready can help your family feel closer and more supported.

Everyone grieves in their own way. Some cry, some stay quiet, and some focus on practical things. Give each other space to feel and heal in your own way.

Try not to say things like “at least…” or look for something positive. For example, “At least it happened early”, or 
“At least you can get pregnant.” These comments, even if well-meaning, can feel dismissive or painful to someone who is grieving.

Often, the most helpful thing you can do is simply be there and listen.

If you’re looking for ways to support someone — or need support yourself — you can visit the Pink Elephants Support Network or Red Nose for free resources designed for family and friends.    

Supporting other children

Children often notice when something big has happened. They might see changes in your mood or routine, even if they don’t understand why. Talking with them in a calm and simple way can help them feel safe and supported.

You could say:

• “The baby wasn’t growing properly and died.”
• “We’re feeling sad because we were hoping the baby would be okay.”

Use words that match their age and understanding. Try to be honest without overwhelming them with too much detail.

Things that can help:

• Let them know it’s not their fault.
• Try not to always hide your emotions. Letting children see that feelings come and go helps create a sense of safety around their own emotions. If you’re feeling upset or teary in front of your child, you could say “It’s nothing you’ve done — I’m feeling sad because I miss the baby.” Tell them you’re okay to talk or just be with them.
• Keep routines as normal as possible — it helps children feel secure.
• Encourage drawing, play, or asking questions to express feelings.

Every child reacts differently. Some ask lots of questions. Others might go quiet or act out. All these reactions are normal.

You don’t need to have all the answers. Just being there, showing love, and listening is what matters most.

Sharing your loss with others

Telling other people — whether it’s family, friends, and colleagues — can be difficult. You might not feel ready or know what to say. That’s completely okay. There’s no right time or right way to share your experience.

Some people start by talking to someone they trust. Others prefer to write down what they want to say first. You don’t have to do it alone — a friend, counsellor, or support service can help you find the words and feel supported.

You get to choose who you tell, when, and how. What matters most is doing what feels right for you.