Finding your way

The weeks and months after pregnancy loss can bring many different feelings and challenges. There’s no set timeline for healing, and no right way to move forward. Some days might feel easier. Other days might bring sadness, memories, or worries about the future.

This part of your journey is about finding what helps you carry both your love for your baby and hope for yourself. You may feel sadness and love, clarity and confusion, connection and grief — all at once. That’s okay.

This section offers gentle guidance for the time ahead. It explores how grief can change over time, how to talk to others, where to find help, and how to care for your wellbeing in your own way.

Grieving over time

One of the hardest parts of grief can be facing the world around you. Seeing pregnant people, babies, or young children — in shops, online, or in your own family — can be painful reminders of what you’ve lost. These moments can surprise you and bring strong feelings.

You might feel sadness, anger, jealousy, or a deep ache. These feelings are normal. 

Some people find it helpful to plan ahead for tough situations:

• Avoid certain places or events for a while.
• Take a break from social media.
• Talk to someone you trust.
• Step away from conversations that are too much.

Be gentle with yourself. Everyday places may feel different for a while. Over time, many people find these moments easier to manage, even if they don’t go away completely.

Grief can affect how you think and feel, how you relate to others, what you believe, and even how your body feels. Grief can come in waves, especially around due dates, anniversaries, or family gatherings. You may grieve not only your baby, but the future you imagined. Even years later, it’s normal for grief to feel fresh sometimes. This doesn’t mean you’re not healing — it means your love is still there.

Some people may say you need to move on after a loss, but grief doesn’t just go away. A different way of thinking about grief is that you learn to carry it with you. Grief educator, Lois Tonkin, described this as ‘growing around grief’. Over time, many parents find that while their grief remains, life grows around it — making space for moments of hope, healing, and even joy. You don’t need to forget or leave your grief behind to move forward.

Grief can look different for each person. Some people show their feelings openly. Other stay busy or focus on tasks. Both are okay — people cope in different ways.

If you’ve lost one baby in a multiple pregnancy and are caring for a surviving twin, grief can feel especially complicated. You might feel both joy and sadness at the same time. That’s okay. Both feelings are real and valid. Support is available to help you carry both.

Honouring your pregnancy and baby

Some parents find comfort by staying connected to their baby. This is called continuing bonds — the idea that a baby who has died can still be part of your life in special and meaningful ways. Many parents find comfort in remembering their baby in special ways. 

You might choose :

• Lighting a candle on meaningful dates.
• Keeping a small token nearby.
• Naming your baby.
• Creating a memory space at home.
• Applying for a Certificate of Recognition (or similar document) to acknowledge a pregnancy loss before 20 weeks. 
• Attending a remembrance event.
• Writing a letter or keeping a journal.

You can remember your baby quietly or through shared rituals. There’s no right way to do this. Do what feels right for you. If you’re unsure or want help, your care team can help.

Seeking support

Support can make a big difference. Some people reach out early. Others wait until later. Both are okay.

Support might include:

• Trusted family and friends.
• Your GP or a grief counsellor (Medicare rebates may apply).
• National support services like Pink Elephants Support Network or Red Nose Australia.
• Talking to others who’ve had similar experiences (this is called peer support).
• Books, podcasts, or online resources.
• Spiritual or cultural support. 
• Creative or calming activities like journaling, music, or yoga.

There’s no one way to cope. What matters is finding what helps you feel supported and understood. 
If sadness feels heavy for a long time, or daily life becomes hard, it might be time to seek extra support. This isn’t a sign of weakness — it’s a sign of care. You’re not alone.

Sharing your experience

Telling others about your loss can be hard. You might not know what to say, how much to share, or if you want to say anything at all.

There are no rules. Some people find comfort in sharing. Others prefer to keep things private.

You might choose to:

• Talk to close family or friends.
• Let your workplace know if you need time or changes.
• Write a message instead of speaking face-to-face.
• Set boundaries, like: “Thank you for checking in, but I’m not ready to talk yet.”

Sometimes people say the wrong thing, even if they mean well. If something feels hurtful, it’s okay to feel upset. Choose who you want around you and protect your space as you heal.

Returning to work

Going back to work after pregnancy loss can be a challenge. Some people return quickly. Others need more time. Both are okay. There’s no rule — do what feels right for you.