Beginning gently

A note about grief

Pregnancy after loss feels different for everyone. You may have many emotions — some you expect, and some that surprise you. These feelings can change from day to day, and it’s okay if they don’t always make sense.

Grief can affect how you think and feel, how you relate to others, what you believe, and even how your body feels. Everyone grieves in their own way. Some parents find comfort by staying connected to their baby, even while preparing for another pregnancy. This is called continuing bonds — the idea that a baby who has died can still be part of your life in special and meaningful ways.

Some people may say you need to move on after a loss, but grief doesn’t just go away. A different way to understand grief is that you learn to carry it as part of your life. Grief educator, Lois Tonkin, described this as ‘growing around grief’. Over time, many parents find that while their grief remains, life grows around it — making space for moments of hope, healing, and even joy. You don’t need to forget or leave your grief behind to move forward.

You don’t need to forget or
leave your grief behind to
move forward.

Over time, your life can
slowly grow around it.

Based on Lois Tonkin's model of grief

Grief can also look and feel different for everyone in the family, especially between partners. One person might want to talk often about the baby, while another may focus on practical tasks or grieve more quietly. Children may show their grief through behaviour, questions, or play. These differences are normal. Respecting each other’s ways of grieving, even when they are not the same, can help families support one another with care and understanding.

If grief feels too heavy, or you’re finding it hard to cope, help is available. You are not alone. See the Information and Resources section at the end of this guide for a list of some support services, including help you can access right away. You might also find comfort in Living with Loss, a free online program created by the Stillbirth CRE. It’s designed to support families as they navigate grief after the loss of a baby.

Loss in a multiple pregnancy

Sometimes, grief is shaped by your experience of loss. For some parents, this includes losing one baby in a multiple pregnancy, like twins or triplets. 

You may be grieving one baby while still carrying or caring for their sibling. This can bring a range of emotions — joy, love, guilt, and sadness. You might feel pulled in different directions or find it hard to explain what you’re feeling. This experience is real and important. There’s no right way to grieve, and no timeline. Be kind to yourself as you find space for both grief and love.

To fathers and partners

This guide is for you too. Fathers and partners often grieve quietly and may feel pressure to stay strong — but your feelings matter.

Many fathers and partners feel deep grief after pregnancy and baby loss, yet don’t always feel included in the support offered. It can be hard to ask for help, but recognising your own emotions is an important part of navigating grief and healing.

Another pregnancy may bring hope, fear, and uncertainty. Your journey is unique, and your wellbeing matters — for you, your partner, and your baby.

Whether you’re a dad or a non-birthing partner, your experience is valid. Support is available, and you don’t have to go through this alone. There are many organisations in Australia that offer help for fathers and partners during and after pregnancy, including parenting. 

We invite you to explore this guide. Take what feels helpful and know that you’re not alone. 

Involving family and loved ones

Pregnancy after loss can affect more than just the person who is pregnant. Grandparents, siblings, close friends, and children may all feel their own mix of emotions too. These people often want to help, but they may not always know how. This section offers ways to understand their feelings and find support together.

Supporting grandparents

Grandparents may feel deep love and excitement for the new baby, while also feeling grief and sadness about the baby who died. They might also feel worried about your health, the baby’s safety, or how the family is coping.

Some grandparents may offer calm and caring support, using their life experience to help. Others may not be sure how to help. Sometimes their worry can show up in ways that feel too protective or even stressful. This pregnancy may also remind them of their own past losses, which can be hard to talk about.

Every family is different. What feels helpful to one person may not feel right to another. If their support doesn’t feel right for you, honest and kind conversations can help. Telling them what helps, or what doesn’t, can make things easier and bring more understanding.

When it feels right, inviting grandparents to take on small but meaningful roles, like helping to prepare for the baby, can help them feel included and connected.

Supporting the whole family

Here are some simple ways to help your family feel included and supported:

• Talk openly: Share honest, age-appropriate conversations about the baby and your feelings.
• Include others: Invite family members to help in small ways — like getting ready for the baby or remembering the baby who died.
• Share support: Let loved ones know about support groups, books, or counselling that could help them too.
• Ask for help: It’s okay to reach out to professionals who understand grief and family changes.

Taking care of your family’s emotional needs can build trust, connection, and a sense of safety during this time.

Supporting children

Siblings and other children in the family may have many feelings during this pregnancy.  Some may feel excited and want to help by doing small tasks or simply being close. Others might feel unsure, worried about saying the wrong thing, or confused by their own emotions. This can lead to distance or tension, even when they care deeply.

Children often notice when something big is happening, even if they don’t fully understand it. A pregnancy — especially after the loss of a baby — can bring up many feelings, like excitement, worry, confusion, or sadness. Some children may ask questions or want to be involved. Others might act out or become quiet. Their reactions can depend on their age, personality, and what they remember. If they went through the loss of a sibling, they may still carry some of that sadness or worry, even if they don’t talk about it.

You don’t need to protect them from every emotion. Being honest in a way that suits their age can help them feel safe and included. Let them know it’s okay to feel many things at once, and that they can ask questions or talk when they’re ready.

When it feels right, involving children in simple ways, like choosing something for the baby or talking about their new sibling, can help them feel more connected. Some families also find comfort in gently remembering the baby who died through stories, keepsakes, or quiet moments together.