Birth and your baby

Getting ready for birth – in any setting

Having a baby after a loss can bring up lots of feelings — like excitement, worry, and sadness. No matter where you plan to give birth, getting ready in practical ways can help. This might include:

• Packing things that comfort you.
• Talking with your care team about things that might be upsetting or bring up tough memories.
• Setting up your space to feel calm and safe. 

It can also help to make space for the baby you’re about to meet, and the baby/babies you’ve loved and lost. Grief and joy can sit side by side in this moment. 

Planning for the birth

It’s normal to have a range of feelings about how you want to give birth. Talk with your care team about your options — whether you’re planning to give birth in hospital, at home, or in a birth centre. These conversations help make sure your choices are safe and respected, and that you feel supported.

Labour and birth

Wherever you give birth, it’s important to share your preferences with your care team. This includes:

• When and how you’d like to give birth.
• How you want to manage labour. 
• Whether you’d like extra monitoring (which is sometimes recommended after loss).

A birth plan can help you feel more prepared and in control. Just remember — plans may need to change, so staying flexible is important. Make sure your support person knows your wishes so they can speak up for you if needed.

Think about what helps you stay calm during tough moments.

You might try:

• Breathing techniques.
• Visualisations. 
• Calming music. 
• Massage.

Practising these ahead of time can make them more helpful during labour. 

Planned caesarean birth

Sometimes, a planned caesarean (C-section) may be the best choice for medical or emotional reasons, or both. Caesareans are always done in hospital. Your care team will talk with you about your options and how to make the experience feel safe and supported.

Your team will include an obstetrician, anaesthetist, midwife, and paediatrician. You’ll usually be awake with spinal or epidural anaesthesia, though general anaesthesia may be used in some cases. If your baby is well, you can usually have skin-to-skin contact soon after birth.

Planned caesareans do carry some risks, including a higher chance of complications in future pregnancies. But they are generally associated with fewer risks than an unplanned or emergency caesarean. Your care team will help you to make a plan that balances safety with your preferences and emotional wellbeing.

Unplanned or emergency caesarean birth

Sometimes, an emergency caesarean is needed to keep you and your baby safe. If this happens, your care team will explain what’s going on and support you through it. Whether you’re in hospital or another birth setting, they’ll do their best to make the experience as smooth and safe as possible.

Staying in hospital

Staying in hospital after the birth of your baby — especially after loss — can bring up strong emotions. Everyone’s experience is different. Here are some gentle ideas to help you care for your wellbeing during this time. 

Emotional challenges

• Ups and downs — It’s normal to feel both joy and sadness. You might want to talk to someone who understands or take time to reflect on your own. 
• Difficult memories — Certain rooms, sounds, or smells may bring back hard memories. If you feel comfortable, talk to your care team about what might be difficult. Visiting the space ahead of time may also help you feel more prepared.
• Anxiety — It’s okay to want to check on your baby often. A routine with your care team might help, along with time to rest. Your needs may change day to day — and that’s okay.

Hospital environment

• Maternity ward — Being near other families or celebrations can feel overwhelming. Ask about a private room or use calming tools like music, headphones, or short walks.
• Talking to staff — Not everyone will know your story. Repeating it can be tiring. You can ask someone to share it for you or use a written note or care plan.

Bonding and wellbeing

• Attachment — Bonding with your baby may feel different or take time. There’s no set timeline. Skin-to-skin, quiet time together, or holding your baby can all help build connection — but go at your own pace. You might find other gentle ways of bonding that feel right for you.
• Comparisons — You may find yourself thinking about past experiences or what could have been. These thoughts and feelings are valid. Be kind to yourself. Talking to a counsellor or using creative outlets like journaling may help.
• Postnatal emotions — After birth, feelings like grief, anxiety, or sadness may come up or return. You don’t have to carry them alone — support is available.
• Feeding — If you’re breastfeeding, it may bring emotional or physical challenges. A lactation consultant can help. However you feed your baby, support is available.

Support is available — even if your past experiences with care didn’t feel supportive. You can talk to a trusted healthcare professional, join a peer group, or explore the resources at the end of this guide. You deserve care that supports you, too.

If your baby needs extra care

Sometimes, even with the best planning, your baby may need extra care after birth. They may go to a Special Care Nursery (SCN) or Neonatal Intensive Care Unit (NICU). There are many reasons this might happen, and your care team will explain what’s happening and why. The goal is always to ensure your baby gets the care they need to stay well or to monitor their health closely. If you’re in a rural area, ask your team about available support for travel and accommodation.

Being apart from your baby can be very hard. If your support person goes with the baby, you might feel alone. It’s okay to ask for help. Your care team is there to support both of you. It may help to think about having one support person for you, and another for your partner, while you’re separated.

If your baby stays in hospital after you go home, it can be hard — especially after loss. Leaving hospital without your baby, or feeling torn between home and hospital, can bring strong emotions. If you’re finding this time particularly hard, let your care team know — they can help connect you with support options that are right for you and your situation.

Leaving the hospital

Whether you’re leaving with your baby or heading home while they stay in special care, this moment can bring many emotions — joy, relief, fear, sadness, or uncertainty. 

Some parents feel a sense of healing when taking their baby home. Others feel overwhelmed or disconnected. You might feel protective, distant, or unsure of how to begin this next chapter. However you feel, it’s okay.

If your baby is still in hospital, leaving without them can be especially hard. It may bring up memories of loss or feel very different from what you hoped for. Your care team can help you stay connected and supported.

Even outside the hospital, you may face unexpected emotions — seeing other families, visiting familiar places, or feeling like you’re supposed to be okay. Some parents feel sadness or guilt. Others feel numb. Bonding can take time. You’re not doing anything wrong. 

Lean on the support around you — family, healthcare professionals, or others who understand life after loss. Take it one step at a time. You don’t have to do it alone.